Could anyone possibly dislike a game that has Frankenfurter travel back in time and kill Einstein, then return to his time to find his Russia gloriously populated by hot, busty women in tight plastic outfits, only to be thwarted by an ex-MTV soft porn star, a host of psionic school girls and the Hoff? No, I thought not.

This is Command and Conquer: Red Alert 3, the third sequel to the prequel of the Command and Conquer franchise… Errr, yes, it’s rather confusing if you don’t know the history of the games, but the basic premise is the Nazi’s never rose to power in Germany, allowing Russia to dominate Europe, much to the dismay of the Allies. In the future, the Russians become the Brotherhood of Nod, and the Allies the GDF which is what Command and Conquer deals with. The Red Alert series deals with the Russians and the Allies. Simple, right? Well, to make things a bit more complicated, Red Alert 3 introduces a new faction, the Japanese, who have mech robots and the aforementioned psionic schoolgirls.

But it doesn’t really matter if you don’t know the history of the franchise, as the premise of this edition is explained in glorious full action cutscenes throughout the game. Featuring real actors including J. K Simmons, Jenny McCarthy, Gerge Takei, David Hasslehoff and Tim Curry, these are worth the price of entry alone. Sure, it’s B-Grade, but it’s the best kind of B-Grade, being funny and entertaining, and they really set the vibe of the game incredibly well.

The game never takes itself too seriously, and gameplay wise is pretty much a traditional Real Time Strategy – it’s faster paced and relies a more on the rock/paper/scissor dynamic than being a matter of building your forces and “zerg” rushing your opponent. The xbox controller does it’s best to match a mouse and keyboard, although I did find myself wishing for them on more than a few occasions, but the online play is smoother than PC could ever be.

If you’ve liked the previous Red Alert games, then this is pretty much the same, just with more to see and do. If you’ve never played these games, you’re missing out on some of the best B-Grade action this side of the 90s.

3.5 Stars